growth

The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Tried to Build

I’m still learning how to live inside my own head without needing to escape it. Some days I get it right; most days I don’t. It’s not a grand success story—more like a construction site where progress and collapse coexist. I keep thinking strength will one day feel stable, but it never does. One week I’m disciplined and calm, the next I’m negotiating with the snooze button and calling it reflection. I’m not ashamed of that anymore. Growth isn’t a straight climb; it’s a dance between falling and finding rhythm again. When things get heavy, …

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Why Bouncing Back Fast Beats Being Perfect

I stared at my running app, twelve minutes flashing on the screen for the entire week. The number was small, but the weight it carried in my mind felt massive. My legs felt fine, steady and ready. It wasn’t the run that wore me down—it was the story I kept telling myself about not being good enough. The mind, it seems, runs marathons of doubt long after the body is done. A few days later, my calendar betrayed me. A missed client call left five people waiting, stuck in a virtual waiting room while I scrambled to fix the mess. Usually, that …

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The Planning Trap: Why Your Best Intentions Are Your Worst Enemy

The cursor blinks at me from a blank document as I sit in my kitchen at 11 PM on a Sunday, sketching out another weekly plan while avoiding the actual work sitting in a pile beside my computer. I've mapped out my mornings, blocked time for that project I keep postponing, and written down the same three priorities I've been writing down for weeks. The irony hits me as I realize I've spent an hour planning to be productive while avoiding the thing that actually needs doing. This moment becomes the turning point where I finally understand what …

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The Energy Bank Account You Never Knew You Had

My grandmother used to keep her money in glass jars hidden around the house. One for groceries, another for emergencies, a third for what she called "Joy Money"—the kind you spend on things that make you smile for no practical reason. She'd count each jar every Sunday, making sure she wasn't spending more than what came in. Beta, she'd tell me while sorting coins, the moment you start borrowing from tomorrow to pay for today's mistakes, you're already poor. I thought about those jars recently while watching two friends navigate what …

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Everyone’s Lying About Endurance

What Mountains Actually Taught Me My first mountain climb almost killed me, and that's when I learned everything I thought about getting stronger was wrong. November 27, 2023, I was breathing so hard halfway up a mountain that I thought my lungs might explode. Other people walked past me like they were taking a Sunday stroll. They looked so slow, but they never stopped moving. I kept having to sit on rocks and gasp for air every few minutes. The realization came slowly: I was doing this completely backwards. I thought getting better at …

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The Day I Learned Other People’s Moods Aren’t My Report Card

The email hit my inbox at 2:47 PM while I was sitting in that overpriced coffee shop on Brigade Road, nursing my third espresso and pretending I had my life together. Two lines that felt like a punch to the gut: "We're terminating the project effective immediately. Invoice for work completed." No explanation. No phone call. Three months of design recruitment work vaporized in thirty-two words. I closed my laptop and stared at the barista making someone's elaborate matcha creation, watching normal people live their normal Tuesday while my …

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The Five Seconds That Taught Me Who I Really Am

I was standing in my Koramangala kitchen at 9:47 PM, phone in hand, when something shifted in the most ordinary way possible. My neighbor had texted asking if I wanted to join her and some friends for dinner at that new place on Brigade Road. My fingers had already typed out "Sounds great! Looking forward to it!" because that's apparently what I do—automatic yes before my brain can catch up. But as my thumb hovered over send, I heard this quiet voice in my head: "You don't actually want to do this." Not dramatic or mystical. Just …

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The Weight of What We Don’t Need

The peanut butter sandwich that changed everything was objectively terrible—stale bread, cement-thick filling—but I was sitting at 4,247 feet with steam rising from my socks when the math finally added up: thirty-eight years of carrying weight that was never mine to begin with. The sandwich was terrible—stale bread, cement-like peanut butter—but I was sitting on this waterlogged piece of wood with steam rising off my socks, and I felt lighter than I had in years. My feet were destroyed, my shoulders ached from carrying twelve pounds that …

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