My Musings – Not your ordinary tales

Somewhere Between Starting and Staying

A while back, I noticed that I could spend an entire morning at my desk and still feel unsure about what I’d actually done. Not because I was distracted or wasting time, but because I was busy in a way that left no footprint. The document would be open, the last paragraph reread a few times, a word changed and then changed back, the structure reconsidered, the coffee reheated, and somehow the hours would pass without resistance. It didn’t feel wrong while it was happening. I wasn’t avoiding the work. I was close to it. Close enough that …

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The Sentence

The sentence has been sitting there longer than I expected, long enough that I’ve stopped rereading the words and started noticing everything else instead, which is usually how I know I’m avoiding something. It’s a plain sentence, not trying to explain itself or soften anything, and once it’s sent I won’t be able to keep making small adjustments in the background the way I usually do, which turns out to matter more to me than I like admitting. So I leave it open and get on with other things, replying when needed, staying involved, telling …

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She Didn’t Send the Message

He said he’d call later and she heard it the way you hear most things that don’t come with a time, not trusting it, not dismissing it, just letting it sit somewhere loose. The evening moved on without asking her permission. Food happened. The kitchen got messy. She sat down, stood up, sat again, and only much later noticed how often her phone had been in her hand without her remembering picking it up. The message came when the night was already tired. He said he was exhausted. He added a quick sorry. He didn’t say anything about the call. …

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The Life That Never Broke

I figured out the problem on a day when nothing went wrong, and that’s what made it hard to argue with. The work was done, the list was cleared, the room was quiet in that satisfied way that usually means you’ve earned rest, and yet I sat there longer than I needed to, staring at a closed laptop, feeling mildly irritated without a good reason to justify it. The day had gone exactly as planned. Emails answered, tasks finished, progress made in the neat, measurable way that feels responsible. At one point, I remember choosing not to step …

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I Didn’t Fix Anything

I woke up because the fan was clicking, not loudly, not urgently, just enough to register, and once I noticed it my attention kept drifting back to the sound, even when I tried to ignore it, so I lay there staring at the ceiling, half-listening, half-waiting, telling myself I’d fall back asleep even though I already knew I wouldn’t. The alarm went off and I turned it off without sitting up, my hand staying on the phone longer than necessary, as if those extra seconds might soften the morning, and when I finally stood up the floor felt colder …

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The Five Seconds That Changed How Decisions Get Made

It didn’t feel important when it happened, which is probably why it stuck. The reply came back with one word — “Noted” — and there was nothing behind it.No relief. No tension. No urge to reread the sent message and wonder if it was too much. That absence was the signal. Something that used to wobble had already stopped. Earlier that morning, the meeting had gone the way most meetings go when everyone wants to be agreeable and leave on time. Heads nodded. Someone said, “Sounds good.” Someone else said, “We’ll come back to it.” No one asked …

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