I thought it would fade. That with time, it would dull, shrink, maybe even disappear. But some pains don’t listen to logic. They settle in, uninvited, making a home where I wish they wouldn’t. On my last trek, I told myself I was past it. That I had made peace with not summiting. That the self-doubt I carried wouldn’t weigh me down anymore. But then, as I watched others push ahead with ease, the familiar sting crept back in. It shouldn’t matter, I told myself. I made my choice. I don’t regret it. And yet, the ache lingers. A quiet …
What You Don’t See in the Photos
She looked effortless in the summit picture—arms raised, a wide grin, snow-capped peaks behind her. I double-tapped, then sighed. I had just come back from my own trek, where I felt like the weakest in my group. Where every incline made me question why I was here. Where I cried, not from the view, but from exhaustion and self-doubt. No one posts that part. A week later, I spoke to someone who had done the same trek. “It was brutal,” she admitted. “I almost turned back.” I stared at her, surprised. Her photos had told a different …
If Something Is Important to You, Carve Out the Time for It
I tell myself I don’t have time. I wake up late. I doomscroll. I push my workouts to “later,” knowing full well later never comes. But then I remember the time I ran between college classes and campus clubs, eating lunch on the go because I wanted to be everywhere. I remember the sleepless nights I spent learning design, not because anyone asked me to, but because I wanted to. I had no time then either. But I made it. Last week, I promised myself I’d run. Just a little. Maybe 2K. A distance that still feels like a struggle. Instead, I …
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Prisoner to the Elements Against Which I Have No Defense
I thought I had prepared. Layers upon layers of fleece and down. Gloves thick enough to smother my fingers into numbness. A balaclava that left only my eyes exposed. Yet, none of it mattered. At 12,000 feet, the wind didn’t just cut through me—it claimed me. It howled through the valley, slapping my face raw, seeping into every gap I had failed to seal. I tried to walk faster, to generate warmth, but the air was thin, and my lungs had turned against me. Every breath felt like drinking through a straw. This wasn’t the first time I had …
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The Never-Ending Loop of Almost Getting There
I break promises to myself. I make plans, get excited, see results, and then somehow end up back where I started. It’s a cycle so predictable that I could set a calendar reminder for it. Get ambitious. Do well. Push harder. Fall apart. Feel like a failure. Reset. Repeat. The worst part? I see it happening in real time, and I still let it happen. It’s frustrating to watch myself create my own misery. It’s like I’m walking in circles, wondering why I’m not getting anywhere new. And at the core of it all, I keep looking for validation. If no …
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How I Became the Odd One Who Actually Won
It feels almost surreal when I think back to where it all started—at 18, when I left my hometown in Rajasthan, alone, to pursue my undergrad in Gujarat. I wasn’t the type of student who always aced exams, and I certainly wasn’t the star of my school. I was the kid who needed supplementary exams to make it through. But somewhere between navigating a new city and trying to prove myself, I went from barely passing to graduating as the top computer programming student in my batch. That was my first big win, and it set the tone for everything that …
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