Ever noticed how the relationships you obsess over have a common theme? They always involve someone who is never fully available. Not completely out of reach, but never quite there either.
It’s a special kind of torture. The almost-but-not-quite dynamic. The late replies, the mixed signals, the flashes of connection that disappear just as quickly. And yet, you stay.
Why?
Because there’s something intoxicating about that space in between. The gap between who they are and who they could be. Between what the relationship is and what it almost is.
And that gap? It’s not about them at all. It’s about you.
That space holds a version of yourself that you desperately want to be. The version that feels chosen, secure, valued. The version that doesn’t have to overanalyze texts or wonder where they stand. The version that finally, finally gets to exhale.
That’s the real addiction. Not the person, but the way you believe you’d feel if they finally showed up the way you wanted them to.
Which means the chase isn’t about love. It’s about validation. About trying to prove that you are enough if only they would choose you properly.
And that? That’s a losing game. Because even when they do, even if they suddenly turn around and say all the right things, the high doesn’t last. The part of you that craves the chase will find another gap to fix, another almost to hold onto.
So maybe the solution isn’t waiting for them to change. Maybe it’s realizing that the version of yourself you long to be—the one who feels chosen, safe, whole—doesn’t have to be unlocked by someone else’s affection.
Maybe you stop romanticizing the chase. Maybe you stop mistaking longing for love. Maybe you start choosing yourself instead.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s when the obsession finally ends.
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