When someone hurts us, anger becomes a protective shield, a way of demanding acknowledgment for the hurt we’ve endured. Apologies and amends make it easy to move forward, but if not, enter Shame, making us worry about how others perceive us.
On the flip side, when we let ourselves down—breaking promises or letting boundaries slide—cue Guilt. It’s that cringe-worthy feeling, like we’re falling short of our own standards. It’s not just about the action; it’s about evaluating ourselves.
Dealing with these emotions is like wrestling an octopus. Pushing away uncomfortable feelings becomes a habit, messing with our self-awareness.
Refusing self-forgiveness traps us in a never-ending story hindering our progress. The impact is both physical and emotional, affecting self-esteem, relationships, and risk-taking. Our self-perception narrows, seen only through the lens of perceived wrongs.
Steps Toward Self-Forgiveness:
- Embrace Imperfection: Acknowledge that nobody is flawless, including yourself.
- Identify the Source: Clarify why you’re feeling disappointed in yourself.
- Take Corrective Action: Address and mend what is within your control.
- Find Closure: Apologize or not, fix it or not, but whatever it is, move on.
- Regain a Wider Perspective: Recognize that one mistake doesn’t define you. Cut yourself some slack.
Learning to separate ourselves from our circumstances develops perspective and resilience. By stopping the suffering, we can learn and grow from our struggles.
Theresa says
This is just what I needed to hear!