The meeting had already started and I was still sitting there, which I realized only because I could hear people talking and no one was waiting anymore. Normally that’s enough to get me moving. I’m already halfway up, fixing it before it becomes a thing. This time I stayed where I was, chair turned a little, one foot out of the shoe, hands resting like they’d forgotten their job.
The morning had been fine in that busy, controlled way. Messages answered quickly. Things closed once they were almost done. Lunch pushed aside because something else felt louder. Coffee sitting there longer than it should. I’d written a list because that’s what I do when I want the day to behave, and for a while it did, except for the parts that didn’t, which I ignored because dealing with them would have slowed me down.
When the reminder disappeared, I knew exactly what was supposed to happen next. I even had the sentence ready for when I joined, the one that makes it sound reasonable. That part comes easily. What didn’t come was the push.
The call kept going. The room didn’t change. The chair stayed solid. I noticed my hands because they weren’t reaching for anything, which felt odd. I stayed seated a bit longer than made sense, then a bit longer than that, not proving anything, just noticing that nothing rushed me.
I joined after a while, somewhere in the middle, followed along, said what needed saying. No one stopped. No one asked. It folded me in and moved on.
The rest of the day did too. Mostly normal. Slightly off. That pause stayed with me, not as a takeaway or a lesson, just as a quiet thought that keeps showing up when things slow down, like maybe urgency isn’t the same thing as importance, or maybe it is and I’m just tired, or maybe it’s something else I haven’t finished thinking yet.
Turns out the world doesn’t always notice when you stop holding it up.
That line keeps coming back to me. I haven’t decided what to do with it.
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