{"id":846,"date":"2023-09-03T15:07:28","date_gmt":"2023-09-03T15:07:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/?p=846"},"modified":"2023-09-03T15:07:29","modified_gmt":"2023-09-03T15:07:29","slug":"self-sabotage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/self-sabotage\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Sabotage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I have an embarrassingly long list of things I promise myself to do and then not do it — sometimes even intentionally. I\u2019ve had different labels and often legit reasons\/excuses for them. But it never dawned on me, that collectively this is called self-sabotaging. Credit goes to a recent book I read. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-sabotage is the behavior and thought patterns that stop you from doing what you want to do. I\u2019ve been on an auto-pilot mode where a situation triggers some internal dialogues resulting in subconscious behaviors and all this happens so fast that I don\u2019t even realize I\u2019m doing it. This makes it so hard to catch in the moment, and it only becomes clear when I look back and try to dissect it. The major ones so far for me are- <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Imposter syndrome<\/strong> – I could as well list this as one of my core behavior traits. The voices in my head tell me that I\u2019m not good\/worthy enough. This stops me from pushing forward because if everything is going to be bad or not good enough, why even bother? These negative talks could be the result of how others talk to me, or my own insecurities.\u00a0

    It leads me to procrastinate<\/strong> causing further stress and waste of time. To numb my feelings or feel better, I go on social media which portrays how happy and successful everyone is in their perfect lives. Even though logically I understand that\u2019s not the reality, I can\u2019t resist and compare myself with them. This further exacerbates my feelings of unworthiness and makes me feel worse.
    <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      \n
    1. Intentional avoidance.<\/strong> This one is harder. It\u2019s a conscious choice. Maybe I\u2019m avoiding a task I don\u2019t want to do or putting off a conversation that I know is going to be confrontational and difficult. I\u2019ll do whatever I can to just put it off until I can\u2019t anymore or the issue resolves itself. Even though, I\u2019m well aware of its consequences.

      Humans don\u2019t like to experience pain. We\u2019re hardwired to avoid things that cause us discomfort. Often, I would tackle one hard situation in one area of life and fuck the other one up. (For ex. Work vs. relationship). Prior behavior patterns (and their side effects) also play a role in this. For instance, not calling home as they will understand but spending 30 minutes on a random work call as that person needed to speak with someone.
      <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      The number of times I\u2019ve been guilty of these two behaviors makes me cringe. This also results in shame, acting out, guilt, resentment, and losing trust in oneself which further puts you right back into this vicious cycle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      I understand that these won\u2019t go away overnight, given the decades of practice. What I\u2019m doing differently this time is <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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      1. Acknowledging the problem (in writing).
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      2. Prioritizing upfront things\/behaviors I don\u2019t want to fall back into and why. A little scare of what this will lead into, if I don\u2019t change does the magic trick.
        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      3. Resisting the urge\/choosing to do one thing differently in each of these scenarios. And stacking them up as I go along.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        The recent health scares and the amazing books I\u2019ve read (especially the autobiographies) in the last 2 years have given me a richer perspective on the cliche advice – \u201cDon\u2019t take life, health and relationships for granted\u201d.

        I\u2019m still trying to answer this eternal question – \u201cWhat makes a meaningful and happy life for me\u201d? But it definitely doesn\u2019t include doing something that makes me cringe at myself. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        I have an embarrassingly long list of things I promise myself to do and then not do it — sometimes even intentionally. I\u2019ve had different labels and often legit reasons\/excuses for them. But it never dawned on me, that collectively this is called self-sabotaging. Credit goes to a recent book I read.  Self-sabotage is the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","pgc_sgb_lightbox_settings":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14,10,21],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-846","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-life","7":"category-personal","8":"category-self-care","9":"entry"},"featured_image_src":null,"featured_image_src_square":null,"author_info":{"display_name":"vasudha","author_link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/author\/vasudha\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=846"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":847,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions\/847"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}