{"id":3264,"date":"2025-04-08T07:23:26","date_gmt":"2025-04-08T07:23:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/?p=3264"},"modified":"2025-04-08T07:38:03","modified_gmt":"2025-04-08T07:38:03","slug":"im-done-auditioning-for-safety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/im-done-auditioning-for-safety\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m Done Auditioning for Safety"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There\u2019s an art to walking on eggshells. You learn it slowly\u2014by bleeding. One wrong word, and the air shifts.
So you start rehearsing conversations before they happen.
You test your sentences like they\u2019re loaded.
You speak in drafts.
You measure your tone.
You soften the truth until it\u2019s unrecognizable\u2014just to keep things from tipping over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not because you enjoy being the peacekeeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But because you know who\u2019ll pay if it breaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019ll shut down.
They\u2019ll lash out.
They\u2019ll go cold.
You? You\u2019ll stay up at 3 a.m., replaying it all like a detective at a crime scene. Wondering if your honesty was too much<\/em>.
Wondering if your needs were too loud<\/em>.
Wondering if you could\u2019ve just said it better, maybe they wouldn\u2019t have left you holding the pieces again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And somehow, you still end up the one saying sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to think you\u2019re being kind. That choosing your words carefully is mature. Empathetic. Grown-up. But what if it\u2019s just survival? What if it\u2019s just a strategy you learned because they never learned how to take care of your heart the way you try to take care of theirs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because while you’re playing translator, they\u2019re throwing tantrums in their native tongue.
While you’re managing tone, they\u2019re managing to say whatever they want\u2014without flinching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you push back?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re too sensitive. You\u2019re dramatic. You\u2019re difficult. You’re the problem<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you keep folding yourself smaller. Make it easier for them to stay. Easier for them to not<\/em> grow.
You keep the peace even when it costs your sanity, because some twisted part of you still believes that if you don\u2019t, the whole thing will collapse\u2014and when it does, it won\u2019t be them who suffers. It’ll be you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because they move on. They compartmentalize. They sleep. You stay up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People love to tell you to \u201cset boundaries.\u201d Like it\u2019s a line you draw and everyone suddenly gets polite and respectful. But when you’re dealing with someone who resents accountability, boundaries feel like lighting a match in a room soaked with gasoline. You say what you need, and suddenly you\u2019re the danger<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s what\u2019s slowly, painfully becoming clear: protecting a connection where only one person\u2019s feelings matter isn\u2019t noble. It\u2019s self-abandonment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I\u2019ve done enough of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not interested in playing the only adult in the relationship.
I\u2019m not doing the emotional labor for two.
I\u2019m not carrying both our fears while you carry none of our growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want what I give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want someone who doesn\u2019t treat my honesty like a threat.
Who doesn\u2019t require me to pre-digest every sentence.
Who meets me halfway\u2014not because I demand it, but because they want to<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because love isn\u2019t peacekeeping.
It\u2019s truth-telling.
It\u2019s staying when it\u2019s hard, not disappearing the second it gets uncomfortable.
It\u2019s owning your own impact and still being safe for someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it only works when I\u2019m bending, filtering, dimming\u2014that\u2019s not love. That\u2019s performance. And I\u2019m done auditioning for safety.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s an art to walking on eggshells. You learn it slowly\u2014by bleeding. One wrong word, and the air shifts. So you start rehearsing conversations before they happen. You test your sentences like they\u2019re loaded. You speak in drafts. You measure your tone. You soften the truth until it\u2019s unrecognizable\u2014just to keep things from tipping over. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","pgc_sgb_lightbox_settings":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-3264","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-relationship","7":"entry","8":"has-post-thumbnail"},"featured_image_src":null,"featured_image_src_square":null,"author_info":{"display_name":"vasudha","author_link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/author\/vasudha\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3264"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3267,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264\/revisions\/3267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}