{"id":319,"date":"2022-02-27T19:42:05","date_gmt":"2022-02-27T19:42:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/?p=319"},"modified":"2023-09-19T19:14:04","modified_gmt":"2023-09-19T19:14:04","slug":"end-the-struggle-set-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/end-the-struggle-set-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"End The Struggle – Set Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Learn to say NO \u2014 Set Boundaries. Photo Credits \u2014 Storyset<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

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From the moment I was born, I have always been \u2018The Good Girl\u2019. This in turn resulted in always saying \u2018Yes\u2019\u2019 and never \u2018NO\u2019. Always adjusting and agreeing with other people\u2019s requests rather than questioning them. And never learning to set any boundaries with people close to me or just myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept a lot of unprocessed emotions to myself. Times when I should have voiced my opinions and called people out but didn\u2019t. It slowly kept eating me up and I started ruminating. Until a couple of years back, I didn\u2019t even know that rumination was a word. For me, it was my inability to stop thinking about any negative emotion\/trauma and playing it over and over again in my brain until I came out as a winner (more like a Bollywood action hero). I think I was creating a metaverse of my own and I was happy there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often I would come face to face with my reality and that will psyche me. I would panic, take some time off and create another narrative to cope up – any motivational crap. Most times, it worked both personally and professionally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking back, I think, I was just suppressing all of my issues layer after layer, rather than learning to deal with them in a healthy way. Adding to that, doing this consistently became such a strong habit that it almost was a reflex action. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until I started therapy, I couldn\u2019t understand why my brain was so hyperactive. Yes, I tried meditation but I was miserable. My mind would constantly keep creating scenarios all the time. Even to put me to sleep, I had to build an imaginary story and of course, I was always the action hero who would come out as the winner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will let you in on another secret, this is the first time I\u2019m connecting all of these dots together. And no, this was not a result of a sudden insight. My intention was to write a blog on setting a healthy boundary. I\u2019m just shocked how these words came out on their own. Truth to be told, I don\u2019t know if all of this \u2018connecting the dots\u2019 is entirely true or is this my mind building another narrative. But that will be for my therapist to decide. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although, I now see a pattern and perhaps the issue all along was not setting healthy boundaries with myself and others. The thing is boundary issues are often disguised under an umbrella of really complex emotions, feeling overwhelmed, social anxiety, time management, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To an outsider, my life \u2018may\u2019 look envious. But personally, to me, it was overwhelming and chaotic. I\u2019ve struggled with codependency, being at peace with myself, and unfulfilling relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have carried around a lot of resentment for not taking charge and secretly hoping that somehow magically the other person would understand their mistake or my point of view or even better that I get a do-over. Through trial and error, I\u2019ve learned that people will not guess my emotions. They went about their day while I suffered in silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like most people, my family relationships have been the most challenging ones for me in setting boundaries. Family systems have some weird unspoken rules of engagement were setting any limit comes with an entire ocean of guilt. And the disappointment on their faces tends to leave a lasting impression. Setting limits with the people we love is by far the hardest thing to do. But oh, the mental trauma I could have saved myself from if only I had said something! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know better now. But still, every time I have to stand up for myself, I feel scared. I don\u2019t want to make anyone mad, and when I\u2019m anxious, I don’t have the right words. I fear that standing up for myself would cost me my relationships. And oh boy, the guilt you feel with setting limits with others. Because after years of people-pleasing, saying no for just your sake is something I believe to be mean. And why does nobody talk about the aftermath, dealing with the discomfort and guilt that comes from asserting yourself? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s not others’ job to figure out what you want. It\u2019s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Hopefully, I will get the confidence and courage to create healthy boundaries in this second half of my life. Now that I\u2019m wiser, \u2018successful\u2019 and all the good adjectives that come with it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the moment I was born, I have always been \u2018The Good Girl\u2019. This in turn resulted in always saying \u2018Yes\u2019\u2019 and never \u2018NO\u2019. Always adjusting and agreeing with other people\u2019s requests rather than questioning them. And never learning to set any boundaries with people close to me or just myself. I kept a lot […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","pgc_sgb_lightbox_settings":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14,10,21],"tags":[34,35,36,30],"class_list":{"0":"post-319","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-life","7":"category-personal","8":"category-self-care","9":"tag-boundaries","10":"tag-people","11":"tag-relationships","12":"tag-self-care","13":"entry","14":"has-post-thumbnail"},"featured_image_src":null,"featured_image_src_square":null,"author_info":{"display_name":"vasudha","author_link":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/author\/vasudha\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=319"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":875,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions\/875"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideaweb.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}